The Principal's Guide to Surviving World Academy
by IrisTheFlower
Summary: When the new principal at World Academy gets a list of 53 warnings and incidents of the students, he knows he's going to be in for a hectic yet fanatical year. Oneshot. Sort of crack. T for cursing.


**A/N:** I do not wish to offend anyone in this. This is just….semi-crack? Mainly towards the end.

**Disclaimer**: I OWN NOTHING.

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><p>Dear New Principal of World Academy,<p>

Greetings, sir or ma'am! We'd like to welcome you to our wonderful, dedicated school of many cultures. Our students are very culturally diverse as they come all over the world, hence our name.

First of all, _**Arthur Kirkland**_, our school President, plans all the school events and activities. He's very organized and will keep our school busy with school activities and events. _**Francis Bonnefoy**_ is our school Vice President, he helps Arthur with many things and substitutes for him went out sick. However, these two do not get along well. It's sort of a love/hate relationship.

Secondly, we have many cultural events throughout the school year. Every Friday dinner we have various events like "Italian food night", "American food night", "British food night", "Chinese Food night", etc. However, most of our students dislike British food night with a passion. Some can tolerate it though.

Thirdly, at the end of the year we have a huge festival where all the students are invited. All cultures and traditions are added in the festival and they can party all night long.

Fourthly, students are divided in continent classes. Such as the "African classes", "European classes", "North American classes", "Asian Classes, etc. Self explanatory, yes?

Lastly, I'd like to advise you that there is one student that represents each country that was specifically chosen by our students and administrators. Here is the list of our following main students that you should keep your eyes on:

_*Alfred F. Jones (America)_

_*Arthur Kirkland (England)_

_*Francis Bonnefoy (France)_

_*Wang Yao (China)_

_*Ivan Braginsky (Russia)_

_*Feliciano Vargas (Northern Italy)_

_*Lovino Vargas (Southern Italy)_

_*Ludwig Beilschmidt (Germany)_

_*Gilbert Beilschmidt (Prussia)_

_*Honda Kiku (Japan)_

_*Antonio Carriedo (Spain)_

_*Lilli Zwingli (Lichtenstein)_

_*Vash Zwingli (Switzerland)_

_*Roderich Edelstein (Austria)_

_*Elizabeta Héderváry (Hungary)_

_*Feliks Łukasiewicz (Poland)_

_*Mathias Køhler (Denmark)_

_*Lukas Bondevik (Norway)_

_*Emil Bondevik (Iceland)_

_*Berwald Oxenstierna (Sweden)_

_*Tino Väinämöinen (Finland)_

_*Natalia Arlovskaya (Belarus)_

_*Katyusha Braginskaya (Ukraine)_

_*Toris Laurinaitis (Lithuania)_

_*Ravis Galante (Latvia)_

_*Eduard von Bock (Estonia)_

_*Heracles Karpusi (Greece)_

_*Sadik Adnan (Turkey)_

_*Im Yong Soo (South Korea)_

_*Peter Kirkland (Sealand)_

_*Kaoru (Hong Kong)_

Now this is only just a few of them. I listed them only because, like I said before, you should watch for them. They cause immense trouble in our school, from late night drinking to fireworks indoors.

I have written down the following warnings that you should watch out for, because this will disturb our students' tranquility here in World Academy or just frustrate them completely.

1. Do not let _**Heracles Karpusi**_ watch Cat related videos on the internet during free period.

We strongly advise you to block all ways for him to get close to cat videos. Last time this happened was when Kiku Honda, our student representative of Japan, had shown him the popular video on YouTube "Nyan Cat" and "OMG cat". Heracles ended up fainting from the 'extreme happiness' he had received.

So with all costs, please do ban or block him from any websites with any cat relations.

2. Do not let the '_Bad Touch Trio'_ (_**Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert**_) send prank calls or prank texts of any kind.

If you do see them with their phones out, please take them away and confiscate it. We had received a report from Arthur Kirkland that he had received a text saying 'I'm pregnant', during class. He tracked down the number to be from Gilbert, student representative of Prussia, and took his phone away.

The 'Bad Touch Trio' said they did it because they were bored. Please take their phones away when you see them and give them back when you think they're worthy enough to receive it.

3. Do not let _**Arthur Kirkland**_ drink and then dance to _"You are a Pirate"_ by Alestorm

He is legal to drink but please do not let him drink too much as he will get angry and let his anger out on students. Then he would get 'loopy' and then dance to "You are a Pirate" with his pirate costume on. This happens every Friday night and it disturbs our students' slumber and he always does it past curfew.

I strongly advise you to ban drinks from him on Friday nights.

4. Do not let _**Elizabeta Héderváry **_attempt a murder on _**Gilbert Beilschmidt **_with her frying pan

…Please do take this seriously. She really does have a frying pan equipped with her 24/7 and it's especially for Gilbert whenever he pisses her off.

I suggest you watch these students like a hawk.

5. Do not let the students host a _'German Sparkle Party'_

No, just no. One Saturday every month all the German, Austrian, Prussian, Swiss, and Liechtensteiner students have this party that lasts all night long.

It does not end well.

6. Do not let _**Im Yong Soo**_ try to sexually harass _**Wang Yao**_

Our Southern Korean student will tackle him and…fondle his breasts. I'm serious, our students are a little overboard when it comes to these things.

Keep Im Yong Soo far away as possible from Wang Yao.

7. Do not allow _**Alfred F. Jones**_ to watch Horror films.

Once he watches them, he screams like a girl and breaks the peace in our school. I suggest you ban them from him or let him invite a friend of his to watch them, like Honda Kiku.

8. Do not let _**Ludwig Beilschmidt **_reenact World War II

It all started when he was little. During class they were learning about World War II so he raised his hand and asked for Poland's desk. He ended up getting it but then he asked for the Czech Republic's desk. He also got that as well. When the teacher left for the restroom, he had gained all the students' desk, with only America left. Once she came back, America said "Pfft, not my problem."

Then Japan came and pushed his food off his desk. "Now, it's my problem!" America exclaimed.

Sooo…don't let that happen again, okay? America was extremely pissed at Japan for weeks!

9. Do not let _**Ivan Braginsky**_ terrorize the Baltic students _**(Ravis, Toris, and Eduard) **_

He doesn't _hurt them_; he just frightens them and controls them basically. The thing is, we've received reports from them all the time and they just shiver with fear when they say his name.

I wasn't able to fix this since the Russian student is scary. Trust me, he will scare you.

I'm even scared about typing this…oh god.

10. Keep _**Francis Bonnefoy**_ as far as possible from _**Arthur Kirkland**_

Like I said in the beginning of the letter, just follow my word. I do not even want to explain Francis's antics.

11. Do not let _**Natalia Arlovskaya**_ chase her brother, _**Ivan Braginsky**_ and command him to marry her.

It's a very common and daily occurrence to see these two running down the hallways. Just don't let Natalia have a knife equipped in her hand, or run her nails down the door since they create permanent scratches, or break the door knob, or try to plan murders of students that are close to Ivan, just…calm her down and keep her as far as possibly from Ivan.

12. Do not leave _**Arthur Kirkland**_ alone on the lunch tables.

He will frighten our younger students or confuse our older students with his 'imaginary friends' 'Flying Mint Bunny', 'Unicorn'. 'Fairies', and other friends. His closest friends are _**Honda Kiku**_, _**Alfred F. Jones**_, and others.

13. Do not let _**Kaoru**_ host any firework event of any kind.

The school almost exploded but caught on fire from his fireworks. Last time was on July 4th when Alfred F. Jones told him he would pay him $50 bucks if Kaoru made fireworks for his birthday.

Kaoru did not get his $50 bucks and ended getting the school on fire. This also went towards Alfred's debt to Wang Yao.

Don't ask me how it started.

14. Do not let _**Feliciano Vargas**_ put "PASTA!" on every answer of the test if he didn't study.

He just ends up failing.

15. Do not let _**Lovino Vargas**_ cuss out the teacher or substitute during class.

It started a few months ago when a substitute came. He mocked the other student and they ended up fighting until he said 'Fuck.' The class was surprised and all the students ended up fighting. Until the substitute announced, "How would you like to see the principal?"

Lovino proudly answered back, "How would you like to suck my balls?" the teacher did not hear him and so Lovino proudly brought out a megaphone, out of nowhere and announced, "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS?"

He ended up getting suspension.

16. Do not play _'The Stereotype Song'_ in school dances.

It offends the students. It led to believe that Kiku likes tentacle porn, Alfred carries a gun, Arthur has crooked teeth and speaks with a posh accent and Ivan drinks vodka for breakfast.

It has created a series of bullying.

17. Do not let _**Elizabeta **__**Héderváry **_and _**Honda Kiku **_spy on two male students.

They end up blackmailing or keeping them for their…'yaoi pleasures'

…I'm serious! This is all true! When we had our yearly confiscation the dogs found their box of pictures, videos, and albums of their favorite male couples.

They got months worth of detention but I think they're still continuing their 'work'.

18. Do not let _**Mathias Køhler **_annoy _**Lukas Bondevik**_

He'll just end up getting punched in the face and sent to the nurse

19. Do not let _**Berwald Oxenstierna **_call _**Tino Väinämöinen **_his wife and_** Peter Kirkland **_his son.

Self explanatory. It just doesn't make sense to me…

20. Do not let the _Nordics _have drinking nights, especially _**Mathias Køhler.**_

They get severely drunk and it also does not end well. Mathias takes advantage of Lucas. Tino faints and ends up on the floor drooling. Berwald is unaffected but has a severe hangover in the morning, and Emil tries to stay out of it all but Mathias force feeds him.

21. Do not leave _**Sadik Adnan**_ and _**Heracles Karpusi**_ alone, assigned for a project, or any close contact.

These two just don't get along; they constantly fight, fight over Honda Kiku, and never agree with each other.

22. Do not allow _**Heracles Karpusi**_ to yell out "THIS IS SPARTA." When stating the cities of Greece.

Self explanatory, yes? It distracts the students and either way Heracles gets detention.

23. Do not allow _**Heracles Karpusi**_ to sleep in the middle of class.

Sadik draws on his face with a sharpie, people throw paper at him, people poke him with a stick or pencil, and the teacher smacks his ruler on the desk shocking him awake.

He is a very troublesome student, I know.

24. Do not let _**Vash Zwingli**_ substitute for health class.

He ended up teaching a full lesson about…sexual intercourse.

Vash: "Don't have sex. You will get pregnant and die."

One student remembered him saying. Just…don't let him substitute that class ever again. People ended up getting traumatized.

25. Do not let _**Feliks Łukasiewicz **_substitute for English class.

He played the song_"Young girl talking about herself"_ The whole class period and the Valley girl song.

Arthur Kirkland was not amused.

26. Do not let _**Antonio Carriedo**_ dress like a pirate with _**Arthur Kirkland**_ and have an 'Epic Pirate Battle'

Even though it amuses some of our students, it disturbs the peace and the two end up getting hurt.

27. Do not let _**Alfred F. Jones**_ dress like a cowboy and _**Arthur Kirkland**_ dress like a pirate and have 'The Most Epic Battle on the Planet"

Just like above, they end up getting hurt and get detention for breaking school property and hurting others as well.

28. Do not allow anyone to play the game _'Pretty Pretty Princess'_

It gets serious and they really get sucked into the game, seriously. They almost end up killing each other if someone wins.

It's much better if they play Life though.

29. Do not allow _**Peter Kirkland**_ to convince others that his 'country' is actually a country.

He'll end up getting chewed out by his brother, Arthur Kirkland.

30. Do not tell anyone what _Florida_ means.

…I think you get the point.

31. Do not let _**Gilbert Beilschmidt **_warn people about his 'Five awesome meters'

…I also think you get the point on that one.

32. Do not let **Lovino Vargas** sent out his 'mafia' when someone pisses him off.

This 'Mafia' is just a group of students; however they're pretty strong surprisingly.

...Just try to block them or give them detention. It used to get out of hand…

33. Do not let _**Francis Bonnefoy, Gilbert Beilschmidt, **_and_** Antonio Carriedo **_try to use useless pick-up lines on_** Arthur Kirkland, Lovino Vargas, **_and…um…

I forgot the last student's name, I know he's Alfred's brother but…geez I forgot his name. Anyway these 'pick-up lines' are 'dirty' and 'inappropriate'. They usually get punched back in the face or kicked in the 'balls', or what our students call it.

34. Do not let _**Feliciano Vargas**_ cook pasta with _**Kaoru's**_ fireworks.

He seemed like it was a smart idea at the time, but it just made a huge mess. However the school was covered in burnt pasta, if that's even possible.

35. Do not let _**Honda Kiku**_ read any form of manga during class.

It traumatized a poor student behind him, it turns out it was hentai. Just ban it all together.

36. Do not mistake _**Lilli Zwingli**_ as a boy

She's actually a girl, despite her appearance. If you mistake her as a boy she'll be extremely upset and her brother, Vash Zwingli, will hunt you down with his AK-47.

…Dear lord I beg you for your safety.

37. Do not let _**Alfred F. Jones**_ yell down the hallways saying, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" when _**Arthur Kirkland**_ is chasing him.

I think that is also self-explanatory. The two are always fighting and arguing. Although Arthur would reply "IT'S CALLED THE REGULARS YOU GIT! THEY WEREN'T REFERED AS THE BRITISH BACK THEN SINCE EVERYONE WAS BRITISH AT THE TIME."

38. Do not let _**Roderich Edelstein**_ try to strangle _**Gilbert Beilschmidt's**_ pet bird, _Gilbird_

In World Academy we do love pets; we just have strict rules about them. Roderich just so happens to be one of those people that do pay attention to the rules. So when Gilbird 'pooped' on Roderich's head he almost squeezed the living daylights out of the bird until Gilbert came to save him.

Those two also fight a lot.

39. Do not play Rock & Roll music, Pop music, Heavy metal, etc (besides Classic) around _**Roderich Edelstein**_.

He will form into a fetal position and won't come out of his room for days. He only prefers Classic music. After this he expresses his anger on the Piano. No, seriously. I mean, it's way better than Arthur venting out his anger on students so Roderich is actually setting an example by using instruments.

One time he was so angry he actually threw a piano out the window. No one was hurt, thankfully. He just broke an expensive window and frightened a lot of people.

Anyway, just don't play those types of music around him.

40. Do not let _**Katyusha Braginskaya **_do Physical education.

You'll see why. All the students will get distracted by her…um…chest. NEVER make her run a lap.

Just don't.

…

41. Do not let _**Gilbert Beilschmidt**_ and _**Alfred F. Jones**_ sing 'LIKE A BOSS' By Lonely Island at the school talent show…or any songs by Lonely Island on the other hand.

It was humorous at first but then it got out of hand and scarred our younger students possibly for life.

42. Do not let _**Honda Kiku**_ convince _**Alfred F. Jones**_ to play _'Ao Oni'_ and _'Amnesia'_

Alfred: Kiku…I don't get this game…

Kiku: Hold on, Alfred-san. Here it comes.

-Blue demon comes out and chases Alfred's character-

Alfred: -shrieks- HOLY SHIT DUDE WHAT THE FUCK! OHMYGAWDOHMYGAWD FUCKING RUN HIROSHI FUCKING RUUUNNNN. ITS GONNA EAT ME OHGODOHGODOHGOD, KIKU SAVE ME- oh I'm dead…

Holy shit, dude that was fucking scary!

Kiku: -shocked- I warned you…

Sorry about the volume of that video…Amnesia is a bigger problem though. He literally flipped over his table and ran down the hallways screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night and didn't get a single second of sleep.

43. Do not let _**Lovino Vargas**_ create a 'Shit Storm' with tomatoes and potatoes and aim for _**Gilbert Beilschmidt, Francis Bonnefoy, Antonio Carriedo, **_and_** Ludwig Beilschmidt.**_

The school and the students themselves get all messy. Lovino also has a war cry shouting, "THIS WEATHER MAN IS PREDICTING A 99% SHIT STORM AND IT'S COMING RIGHT AT YA BITCHES."

…Just don't let that happen.

44. Do not let _**Francis Bonnefoy**_ sing _"Canadian, Please."_ With only a rose on.

I'm serious, I am dead serious. Our students are fucking crazy. This was at the talent show and our younger students were even more traumatized and our older students were just freaked out.

45. Do not let _**Mathias Køhler **_google _**Lucas Bondevik**_ in his free time so he can know Lucas… 'better'

We went through his computer and found his most recent google searches.

"The color of Lucas Bondevik's underwear"

"Where does Lucas Bondevik live? What's his address?"

"**********"

"***************"

I think he was drunk at the time…

Just ban him from google or any search engine.

46. Do not let the fan girls sing _"It's Raining Men"_ when the boys jump off the building onto a big mattress.

…Don't worry it's a tradition at the end of the year.

…No one gets hurt.

47. Do not let the _Bad Touch Trio_ _**(Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis)**_ sing _"I'm Sexy and I know it." _By LMFAO

No…just don't. However the school fan girls seem to like it. Just…don't let them sing it.

48. Do not let _**Honda Kiku**_ and _**Wang Yao**_ host "Asian Culture Night"

-video is being played-

Yao: NI HAO!

Kiku: KONNICHIWA!

Yao: How are you all feeling today? …Did you know that China and Japan are actually two different countries?

Kiku: Oh really? Hey, that's right. If you look at the map you can see!

-Yao points to map on screen-

Yao: You see, China is this biiiig country over here and Japan is this little itty bitty country right here. And that's why the Japanese ALWAYS TRY TO TAKE OVER CHINA!

Kiku: Nani?

Yao: THE JAPANESE RAPE AND KILL PEOPLE, THE ONLY THING BESIDES KILLING OTHER PEOPLE IS KILLING THEMSELVES. SUICIDE RATINGS IN JAPAN ARE SKY HIGH.

Kiku: FUCK YOU!

Yao: Oh nooo I'm a Japanese person and I had a bad day I think I'm going to kill myself!

Yeaaa they had a lot of…sake was it? It really scared the crap out of everyone…because it was realllyy out of character for them.

It also traumatized our younger students again…

49. Do not let _**Ivan Braginsky**_ stalk _**Wang Yao**_

We have received many reports from these two, Wang Yao just gets really 'frightened' and always has his wok equipped. However Ivan lets out his infamous 'Kolkolkol' and tackle hugs Yao.

Either these two just do not mix.

50. Do not let _**Ludwig Beilschmidt**_ scare the crap out of _**Feliciano Vargas**_.

-Video is being played-

Feliciano: Ve~

Ludwig: -comes up behind Feliciano- I'm gonna kill you

Feliciano: Veee! –screams and runs down the hallways continuing to scream

Ludwig: VAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!

Feliciano: -continues to scream bloody murder-

Ludwig: DON'T BE ANGRY!

Vash: QUIET DOWN –has gun in hand-

Lilli: Big bruder no!

That also did not end well. We also received a report that Lovino Vargas said "Die Potato" to Ludwig and attempted to jump on him.

I'm sorry that our students are out of their minds…

51. Do not let _**Francis Bonnefoy**_ and _**Arthur Kirkland**_ sing _"Guy Love"_ from Scrubs when drunk

Just don't…

52. Do not let **_Ivan Braginsky_ **sing_ "I Love Belarus"_ when drunk

Although it's extremely unlikely how he gets drunk, just never let him near the karaoke machine and sing "I Love Belarus"

He'll find himself in the same bed as Natalia and regret getting drunk for the rest of his life.

And that's why Ivan never tries to get drunk ever again.

53. Do not allow _**Alfred F. Jones**_ to add a sentence such as 'In your mom's ass' at the end of every Fortune a fortune cookie gives.

Alfred has this habit of adding a sentence such at the one above after reading a fortune cookie. For example: _"You'll have good fortune for your entire life…in your mom's ass."_

Just don't let him do that, if you catch him doing that please give him detention or pick gum off under the desks.

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><p>Well either way, this is a great school with fine education and class. Despite our flaws I really do hope you enjoy our wonderful school and…students.<p>

Have, I don't know how many years you're going to do because seriously I doubt you're going to be taking over for long, of great fun and culture!

Sincerely,

The Old Principal of World Academy

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><p>The new principal stared at the letter and video tape, horror stricken. How could the students be so wound up and…down right fanatical? The new principal shivered and went to hide in a dark corner.<p>

"Oh dear lord someone please help me…"

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><p><strong>AN:** I know that is not Ludwig's last name, but just go with it. I was going to add Arthur's brothers but I thought they would already graduate so I just didn't add them. I also could not find Hong Kong's name so I just put Kaoru.

I do hope you enjoyed this and my other stories will be updated soon!


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